Monday, August 30, 2010

"EEEEE-HEEEEE" (Crotch move, spin around)


Michael Jackson, the king of pop and skin bleaching, would have turned 52 on Aug. 29th. His face would have turned 21, so happy 21 run Michael's face, ZINGER!! Too soon? Probably. Anywho, in celebration of the Thriller singer's birthday I decided to let you take a little peak at the place he called home in the last few days of his life. While many people believed Michael passed away in his famous Neverland Ranch, he actually was living in this amazing Los Angeles mansion. Jackson had been renting the home, but now you can purchase the house for the low-low price of $28,995,000!!

This is a serious deal since the home was originally priced at a whopping $38 million in 2008. And just in case you were wondering, 'who could own a home like this'. Never worry, because the home was owned by the creator in all that is douche-baggy, the rhinestone skull t-shirt creator himself, Hubert Guez ( chief executive of the Ed Hardy fashion brand).

But you might be able to swing a deal by renting the place for $100,000 a month, which was what Michael was paying at the time. The home features 7 bedrooms, 13 bathrooms, and 12 working fireplaces within 17,000 square feet of living. It also includes a wine cellar complete with a formal tasting area.

Here are a few pics of this swingin' deal of the house:








Oh, and THAT'S the guest house...

Thank you frontdoor.com for help with this post!

Friday, August 27, 2010

School interferes with my education.


It's back to school time! And as much as I wish I was entering the Kappa house to sleep on the top bunk in a room that doesn't allow boys or boos even as a legal adult, I am not. I still can't help reminiscing of the days when it was socially acceptable to go out on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday(obviously), and Saturday (Duh). But Sunday was the day of rest, God said so, so we all accepted this as truth.

As I sit back and remember all the wonderful memories I made in college I have to give thanks to all the teachers from my younger days who got me to the place I am. Who taught me important things that I will most likely never have to think about again but got me to the next level. While some of you were major douches that couldn't find Africa on a map, so many of you were awesome and I am thankful.

After viewing these epic failures in the world of education, I just want to say, 'thank you', to my favorite teachers. Thank you for, most of the time, not being complete and utter idiots.

HAPPY BACK TO SCHOOL!!

















thank you huffingtonpost.com

Thursday, August 26, 2010

39 Well Calculated Random Thoughts


As you make your way through this week, here are a few random thoughts to hopefully ease any stress you may have. It's Thursday...one day left my friends.

Courtesy of an awesome email from my mother:


Thoughts that stick to the roof of your mind...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12 Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection……....again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!). But when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
30. My check engine light has been on for three months now and nothing's happened. I'm starting to think that my car is just an attention whore.
31. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
32. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.
33. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."
34. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
35. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.
36. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
37. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"
38. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?
39. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The 2010 Hater's Guide To The Top 25



PER MOMMA CHAFF'S REQUEST (And my AMAZING Managing Broker), THIS BLOG CONTAINS YUCKY LANGUAGE AND WAS NOT WRITTEN BY MY LOVELY, MORAL SELF BUT BY THE DIRTY MOUTHED FUNNY GUYS AT DEADSPIN.COM! ENJOY!

One of my favorite websites, www.deadspin.com produces an annual guide to the top 25 college football teams in the nation. While most news publications or websites go on and on about a teams defensive game, the quarterbacks rushing/passing yards, win/lose records, blah blah blah, Deadspin takes a much cooler approach by comparing who is truly the biggest group of douche bags.

And here it is, the 2010 Hater's Guide to the Top 25:


1. Alabama: Oh hey, look who's numero uno. It's Orange Satan and his little fiefdom of tardbilly mouthbreathers. I liked the Tide much better back in the old days, when Mike DuBose was bending receptionists over his desk. I don't need the state of Alabama to have any pride whatsoever. They should never be allowed to feel good about themselves. What the fuck do you half-human mongoloid overall-wearing chimps have to be proud of? Congrats, your team finally won another title last year. That means you are now one year closer to Nick Saban bolting for Michigan and leaving you to pick up the pieces of your pathetic, awful, and empty lives, the kind of pointless existence that makes membership in the Aryan Nation all but an inevitability. And you know Bear Bryant? He's still fucking DEAD. Super dead. Forever. Alabama is America's ass hair.

2. Ohio State: Oh, sweet fucking Jesus, you people again? Haven't you people pissed away enough titles? Shouldn't you be banished to NAIA so that we don't have to see you lose the national title by 47 points to an SEC team? It's because of YOU that people from the South are actually starting to feel good about themselves again. That is crap.

I've been to Columbus. It's the kind of place no one would ever live voluntarily. You either live there because you can't afford to live anywhere else, or because the judge put a travel restriction on your DUI probation. Tear the roof off a fucking Houlihan's, expand the size of it to 50 square miles, and that's Columbus. Just one big generic pile of shit. They should have just named it "City."

3. Boise State: America's Sweethearts, my ass. I'll be damned if I'm cheering from some dipshit team from the middle of Idaho. Let me ask you something: If everyone in Idaho died tomorrow, would you care? I mean, just DIED. A virus sweeps across the state and wipes out every last man, woman, and baby. Every Idahoan, dead in a puddle of their own shit and liquefied organs. Would you really give a crap? I say no. Oh, I'd turn on the news and say, "Oh, shit! All the Idaho people are dead. That sucks." Then I'd turn off the TV and eat a box of Teddy Grahams. I'd pretend to care in my mind, so that I wouldn't feel like the really shitty person that I am. But deep down? I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even care if I had relatives living there. If they were living in Idaho, they were probably relatives of mine that were all fucking weird and creepy and lived in a compound. Or they were insufferable outdoorsy assholes. Or they were rich fuckers who skied. Either way, Idaho is pointless.

4. Florida: I actually bear no ill will to you, Florida. I hope you have a fine season, until October comes around and it's the fourth quarter of a tight game and Urban Meyer's head fucking BLOWS UP all over the sideline. Just a massive explosion that shatters his whole head, sending out little globs of brain and blood all over the Dazzlers. Then the replay gets on the web and they have to interview Tebow at Denver Bronco headquarters and he's all crying and shit because Urban was like a Dad to him and he's saying it's okay because he's home with Jesus now and GAHHH HE SHOULD HAVE JUST QUIT! BUT NOW HE'S DEAD! WHAT WILL HIS KIDS DO NOW? GAHHHHHH!

So I'm looking forward to that. Also, you are pussies.

5. Texas: Oh, you Austinites. So goddamn pleased with yourselves. Ooh, loogit us! We have indie movies and indie music and indie food carts and indie pencils! You know what? I don't like indie things. I don't like Animal Collective. I saw Half Nelson, and it was a piece of shit. I like movies and songs that look and sound like they cost more than four dollars to make. And if they come hipster-free, then all the better. You people are the fucking Williamsburg of Texas, and that isn't a compliment. Though I do like that Sam Acho. It's like his last name is a suffix for all good Latino things: macho, nacho, muchacho, Comacho, borracho… Great name. But you are still ASS.

6. TCU: Every year, TCU plays archrival SMU in a game known as the Battle for the Iron Skillet. Oooh! Hold me back! YOU TALK ABOUT A RIVALRY! I can't wait to see which uptight Christian Texas asshole school this year gets to lay claim to a T-Fal nonstick pan. WHO WILL FRY THE FIRST EGG OF SWEET VICTORY? Count me in!

7. Oklahoma, 8. Nebraska: I don't even know why we bother to differentiate states like Oklahoma from Kansas or Nebraska. Shouldn't these all just be lumped into one giant, shitty state? We don't even have to call it a state. We can just call the US Central Territories. It could appear on maps as a giant black block. Just ignore this section, world. Mind our appearance while we renovate so that it doesn't look like the arid, man-zombie landscape it currently is. We'll replace it with a Michael Kors outlet store by 2015.

9. Iowa: Oh, look! It's the Big Ten's rapiest team! No wonder Christian Peter's alma mater wanted to join this conference so very badly. Iowa is the number one producer of corn among all American states. Many of its farmers are heavily subsidized to grow corn, turn that corn into syrup, and then rape every other foodstuff in the grocery store with that syrup so that you and your kids get fatter and fatter and fatter until you look just like everyone who lives in Iowa. Want to know why you can't resist that Mr. Pibb, tubby? FARMER BOB IS YOUR MAN. I also blame Iowa for Field of Dreams, and all the losers who tell me I don't have a heart if I don't like Field of Dreams. Well, fuck THAT. That movie was gay.

10. Virginia Tech: I'm really tired of this team being a "dark horse" national title contender. Pencil them in for 10 boring-as-fuck wins and a forgettable bowl victory and let's never speak of them again. Know why every analyst creams his jeans watching your special teams? Because watching your offense is like trying to watch two fat people buttfuck without lubricant.

And now, we fly through the rest.

11. Oregon: I had a bunch of nice things to say about this team, but Jeremiah Masoli stole my laptop. But I look forward to another year of this team wearing unis that give Japanese children Parkinson's disease. Also, the people of Oregon are Beaver-toothed, bike-riding fuckfaces.

12. Wisconsin: Fatties. THIS GUIDE IS NOT FOR PRINTING AND THEN SLATHERING WITH WISPRIDE AND THEN EATING.

13. Miami (FL): Just a reminder of the delightful folks who cheer on the Hurricanes, i.e., Jewish people from Long Island who believe rooting for the Hurricanes somehow makes them black gangsters. From reader Torch Ramrod:


Yep, he's a Cane through and through. Thirty bucks says that guy has never seen the inside of the Orange Bowl.

14. USC: Oh, what an enjoyable downfall this will be. It's like the Larry Smith Era is about to happen all over again! And what a joy that was. I can't think of a more vacant, inane, self-involved, VD-ridden, dipshit Land Rover-driving student body for it all to happen to. I fucking hate the disaffected, stuck-up attitude of these pricks. So unimpressed with everything but themselves. The tombstone of every USC student should read: "Here lies Tyler Taylor. MEH."

15. Pittsburgh: Doesn't this town have the Steelers? No one fucking cares about the college team. No wonder Wannstedt is still your head coach. A fucking moose in a trenchcoat could walk the sidelines for your team and no one would notice.

16. Georgia Tech: Don't care. Jesus, remember when the ACC added Miami and Virginia Tech and it would supposed to be this big superconference? That all went to shit, didn't it? It's like someone decided to expand the NFC West to 12 teams.

17. Arkansas: Good Lord, Bobby Petrino is the sleaziest bag of shit to ever walk the Earth. He's like the white Isiah Thomas.

18. North Carolina: Why don't you and Duke go in the closet and make ugly children together already?

19. Penn State: Listen, I don't wanna say mean things about Joe Paterno. He's a national treasure and a sweet old man. But he's gonna poop himself on the sidelines this year. He is. Someone will ask him over the headset if he's happy with the defensive formation and he's not gonna hear them because he'll be too busy unloading into the cheesecloth he wrapped around his Jockeys. Then he'll have to stay still the entire half so that no one will know, with poop running down his gimpy old leg the whole time. Then he's gonna go into the locker room and be like, URRGH I SHIT MYSELF AGAIN, BOYS! Then they'll have to wipe him off and wheel him back out. I don't want that to happen. It's not right. Let the man go out with dignity. Cut his oxygen tank tube.

20. Florida State: Well, well, well. Look who's in charge now. They finally pushed out Bobby Bowden and replaced him with… Jimbo Fisher. Really? You entrusted a storied program to a dude named Jimbo? Did he promise you a free fried possum in exchange for the job? Enjoy the cellar of a forgotten conference, East Alabama.

21. LSU: We should revoke their 2007 title. I know they beat Ohio State, but that shouldn't even count. That is the shittiest national title team ever. Oh, and YOU ARE RAYCESSSSS.

22. Auburn: No one cares. Bama will plow you like Charlie Sheen's third escort of the evening.

23. Georgia: I drove through Georgia this spring, and that whole state looks like a backyard some asshole left unattended.

24. Oregon State: Ah, Eastern Oregon. Harboring America's fugitive serial killers since 1909! THE BROWN RIVER KILLER IS AMONG YOU. (NOTE: To those of you bitching that Corvallis isn't actually in Eastern Oregon, STOP RUINING THE IGNORANCE FOR EVERYONE.)

25. West Virginia: WHO'S UP FOR SOME COUCH BURNIN' AND UNCLE-BONIN'?

And there's your 2010 Hater's Guide to the Top 25. Need to vent on a ranked or unranked team of your choice (NOTREDAMENOTREDAMENOTREDAME), by all means do so in the comments. And get ready for another season of glorious rancor.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Seattle is awesome

We all know Seattle is awesome. We live here, right? But aside from the naked bicycle riders, flying dead fish, good coffee, and Seafair, Seattle's economy is far superior to the majority of the country. Currently, the real estate market is nowhere near where it was in 2004, obviously, but it is not the apocalypse as many national media outlets would lead you to believe.

Here is the proof. Below, in my previous post, is the article featured in today's Seattle Times. CNN, MSN, and Fox news all had similar stories. The housing market is the weakest it has been in 15 years with home prices dropping by 27%. Yes, that sucks. Nationally, we have a very long road ahead of us. Thankfully in Seattle, our road is a little smoother.

Let's take a look at some numbers. The proof is in the pudding:
(numbers provided by ziprealty.com)

SNOHOMISH COUNTY

JULY 2009-- JULY 2010 -- PERCENT CHANGE

% Sold Price to Asking Price : 98%-- 98%-- 0%
Sold Price Per Home : $319,227-- $324,388-- 2%
Asking Price Per Home : $313,617-- $318,626-- 2%
Sold Price Per Sq. Ft : $164-- $156-- -5% (yeah, this kind of stinks)
MLS Days on Market : 132-- 103-- -22% (but this is looking better)
Available Homes on Market : 5,743-- 5,881-- 2% (really good)

KING COUNTY

JULY 2009-- JULY 2010-- PERCENT CHANGE

% Sold Price to Asking Price : 96%-- 96%-- 0%
Sold Price Per Home : $447,867-- $495,597-- 11%
Asking Price Per Home: $429,541-- $475,005-- 11%
Sold Price Per Sq. Ft : $216-- $225-- 4%
MLS Days on Market : 125-- 95-- -24%
Available Homes on Market : 13,965-- 14,642-- 5%

Apparently 2012 is now. (Insert Sarcasm Here)

So here is the article from The Seattle Times. You can also find similar articles on CNN.com, MSN.com, Foxnews.com, etc. etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, nationally we are still having tough economic times, however we can't forget where we live. If you are comparing Seattle to Phoenix, you might as well be comparing a little league baseball team and the New York Yankess. Both baseball teams, but one is much more skilled, big, stronger, faster, and so on. But I will let you read below and will respond with facts in my next post...


Home sales plunge 27 pct. to lowest in 15 years
Sales of previously occupied homes plunged last month to the lowest level in 15 years, despite the lowest mortgage rates in decades and bargain prices in many areas.

By ALAN ZIBEL and J.W. ELPHINSTONE
AP Real Estate Writers

WASHINGTON —
Sales of previously occupied homes plunged last month to the lowest level in 15 years, despite the lowest mortgage rates in decades and bargain prices in many areas.

July's sales fell by more than 27 percent to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of 3.83 million, the National Association of Realtors said Tuesday. It was the largest monthly drop on records dating back to 1968, and sharp declines were recorded in all regions of the country.

The plunge in home sales also magnified fears about the broader economy.

"The housing market is undermining the already faltering wider economic recovery," said Paul Dales, U.S. economist with Capital Economics. "With the increasingly inevitable double-dip in prices yet to come, things could yet get a lot worse."

Sales were particularly weak among homes in the lower- to mid-priced ranges. For example, in the Midwest, homes priced between $100,000 and $250,000 tumbled nearly 47 percent.

The weakness follows a strong spring, when now-expired government tax credits sparked sales, especially among first-time buyers of lower-priced homes.

The tax credits caused many of those buyers to speed up their home purchases. Sales have weakened since the credits expired on April 30.

As sales have slowed, the inventory of unsold homes on the market grew to nearly 4 million in July. That's a 12.5 month supply at the current sales pace, the highest level in more than a decade. It compares with a healthy level of about six months.

One reason the market is hurting is that buyers and sellers are in a standoff over prices. Many sellers are reluctant to lower their prices. And buyers are hesitating because they think home prices haven't bottomed out.

Laurie Salaman has been trying to sell her home in New York City for a year so she can move to the suburbs. She's had no offers, even after cutting her listing price on the three-bedroom Bronx home from $475,000 to $449,900.

She notes that she has upgraded the kitchen and bathrooms, refinished the basement and put in new decks and patios. Her goal is to take about $100,000 from the sale and put it toward the purchase of the new house. She said she won't lower her price any further.

"That's my bottom price," said Salaman, 55. "If I don't get that price, then I will hold off until the market gets a little better," she said.

The housing market is also being hampered by the weakening economic recovery. Unemployment remains stuck at 9.5 percent and many potential buyers worry they might not have a job to pay the mortgage.

Prices have fallen in part because foreclosures are running about 10 times higher than before the housing bust. Though the average rate for a 30-year fixed mortgage has sunk to 4.42 percent, many people can't qualify because banks have tightened their lending standards.

Home sales picked up in the spring when the government was offering tax credits. But sales have sputtered since the tax credits expired.

The drop in July's sales was led by 35 percent plunge in the Midwest. Sales were down 30 percent in the Northeast, 25 percent in the West and 23 percent in the South.

The median sale price was $182,600, up 0.7 percent from a year ago, but down 0.2 percent from June.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Little Emerald City Breakdown


From our good friends at www.FrontDoor.com, here are some interesting facts about the greatest city in the world!

Population breakdown by age:



Household income. We're doing allllll right:



Educational Achievement, aka, we are smarty-pants here!



Crime rate, pretty good, but maybe you should keep an eye on your car...



Travel to work time, aka, who likes traffic?!



What time do people head off to work?! (when is traffic the WORST?!)



Temperature. We are a mild group!



Year homes were built. We've got some oldies!



Occupancy Status, almost perfectly even:



Number of Occupants in rental dwellings. A lot of bachelor pads...


Real Estate Tax Averages:

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Most Expensive Homes on Zillow.com

I'd get my closest 250 friends together and go 1/250-zies on one of these places...


For a mere $59 Million, you can live in this '



Charlottesville, Virginia, $48 Million



"La Bellae Vie," Bel-Air, $53 Million (8 bedrooms, 3 kitchens, beauty salon, 12 fireplaces, 21 baths)



San Francisco, $45 Million (Golden Gate view in almost all rooms of the house, 7 bedrooms, 7.5 bath, music room, elevator, garden and tennis court.)


Beverly Hills, $28.5 Million


Malibu, $18 Million



Los Angeles, $50 Million (20,000 Sq Ft of living space, screening room, indoor spa, gym, billiard room, wine cellar, poolside lounge, and 2,000 sq ft master retreat -what ever that is!)



Little Jennie Ranch, Wyoming's "Crown Jewel", $69.5 Million. Surrounded by the Teton National Forest, miles of trout fishing streams, 3 mountain ranges and a short drive to Jackson Hole.

Waka, Waka,


Mariners, you fired the wrong guy(s). First off, no it was not Jr.'s doing! Are you kidding me? He's sitting in his 13,000 sq ft house in Windermere, FL playing golf and hanging out with his kids! Now, I love Griff. I think I would be a communist if I didn't but he did put the entire team in a really hard position this year. The M's have not been pulling in the crowds that it so desires, so they brought back a home town hero. People love that crap! (And yes, so do I). When he signed up for one more year, Jr., and the rest of the team, anticipated him to be more of a presence on the bench. A 25th man, a moral support, a face of the team. However, when Jacky Z gave us this amazing roster (this is dripping in sarcasm if you couldn't tell), what else were we to do but putt Jr. as our DH? A task that he was destined to fail at. His numbers were low, he knew he was not the player he use to be and hated to 'go out' this way. As for the rumors that Jr. and Wak didn't talk, this is very false. Many inside sources revealed that he and Wak had a friendly relationship. Jr. even photo shopped his face into the Wak family Christmas photo that sat on the couches desk. Jr. would pop into Wak's office frequently to tell a joke or simply say hello.

SO, as Jr. started to fail, what was Wak to do? Bench him and risk losing several fans who come out to watch their golden boy? Keep him in and lose fans who are frustrated with the lack of progress this team was making? It was Wak against the front office, and that game never ends well. Jr. was done, he was done hours before the rest of us knew about it. He was halfway across the country when he called up Jacky Z. and told him it was time. I don't have any animosity towards the man. He did what he had to do. So to blame Wak OR Griff for this mess is ridiculous. With the head cases left in the clubhouse, Milton / Figgins / Lopez / etc., etc. etc. , Jacky Z has made quite the statement.

As sand passes in the hour glass, these are the days of our lives...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Should I stay or should I go...


Everyone is telling you to, “BUY, BUY, BUY”, but is it right for you? Is it cheaper to rent in certain neighborhoods than to buy? Many homebuyers assume that their monthly mortgage rates will far exceed their current monthly rent. However, many of you may be surprised. Check out this website that will calculate how much your mortgage could be:



http://www.frontdoor.com/tools/calculators/rent-vs-buy.aspx

Damned if we do, and damned if we don't ; The Brandon Morrow Story


Lordy, if I hear one more person wine about how we should have kept Brandon Morrow and how this is just another example of how Zduriencik is incompetence, I might lose it Tom Cruise style. Jump on couches and yell and Matt Lauer.

Of course a hearty congrats to the former M’s pitcher who made it to the last out in the 9th inning with a no hitter shut-out. He pitched an amazing game and took the disappointment with a great deal of class.

We were all a little ‘perturbed’ when the Mariners chose Morrow in the first round of the 2006 draft over hometown all-star, Tim Lincecum. Lincecum of course went on to win two Cy Young Awards, Major League Starting Pitcher of 2009, All-Star pitcher, etc. etc. While Tim was dominating down in the Bay, Brandon Morrow was bouncing up and down from reliever to starter. While impressive as a reliever, Morrow did not impress many in his starting appearances.

In the winter of 2009, to the delight of many Mariners fans, Morrow was traded to Toronto. Many thought that this was the right move to free up space and money for new starting pitchers. THENNNNN yesterday happened and Seattleites were all in a twitter about how the Mariners made another bone-head move by sending Morrow away! Lordy, lordy, here comes my Tom Cruise crazy-ness!

While I may disagree with many moves Jack Z. has made the past two seasons, letting go of Morrow is not one of them. When Morrow was a Mariner, he should have spent more time in AAA-Tacoma preparing and honing his craft. The M’s, along with Morrow, were so eager to have him in the rotation that he was robbed from an opportunity to really improve. Yes, we should have drafted Tim Lincecum when we had the chance, but coulda, shoulda, woulda, it’s in the past and we can’t change that.

So, no more, “Ohhh look at this, ANOTHER stupid move by the front office” comments. Congrats to Morrow, if he’s lucky he might have another chance at a no-hitter in his career. He pitched well and is starting to really come into his role as a starting pitcher.

But of course, as a Seattle fan, it seems to be damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.

Monday, August 2, 2010

2010 and 1978, one in the same?

Seattle Times blogger, Geoff Baker has provided some very interesting (or very depressing) statistics to look at:

Winning percentage:
First half: .398
2nd half: .222
(last) Road trip: .000

Average runs per game scored:
First half: 3.4
2nd half: 2.6
(last) Road trip: 2.0

Average runs per game allowed:
First half: 4.3
2nd half: 4.9
(last) Road trip: 6.4

W-L: Day Griffey walked out: 21-31 (.404)
W-L: Since Griffey walked out: 18-36 (.333)

Runs per game before Griffey left: 3.7
Runs per game since Griffey left: 2.8

Runs per game ALLOWED before Griffey left: 4.1
Runs per game allowed since Griffey left: 4.7

In 1978, the Mariners lost a record 104 games. So far this year, the Mariners have lost 102 games. ON OUR WAY TO A RECORD BREAKING SEASON!

One last statistic that I took the liberty of researching: There are 1,200 players in the Major leagues and 5,400 players in the minor leagues. Sometimes it boggles my mind on how some players make the 18% cute.

Just in case you can’t tell, I love the Mariners. And that isn’t sarcasm. Since my first game at 4 months, and the 24 seasons that followed, the Mariners will be my first love. Sorry future awesome husband, the 40-man roster comes first. I am simply heart broken by their current status. Consider this an angry girlfriends plea for change.

You Gotta Love These Guys? Installation #1

6 and 22. Yes, that is right, 6 AND 22 was the Mariners record for the month of July. And in case you are wondering, that is the worst record in the clubs HISTORY. At this point, does the team care? Is it even possible for them to care? You’ve reached the pinnacle of your career, sacrificing so much of your life to get to the Big Leagues, and now you suck. But who is to blame? We always need someone to blame?! If I can’t find someone, the guy sitting next to me in Starbucks might just do…


So let’s start out by looking at performance. I’ll admit that my girliness does show through when trying to separate performance and personality. I’ll admit, it’s hard to bash a dude who you’ve seen him play with his kids, donates his day to volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House, or can never be found without a smile on his face while in the dugout. However, it’s pretty easy to forget all of that when I realize they are making somewhere around $20,000 a game and I’m, well, not.

Chone Figgins: “Figgins probably ranks as the third baseman most likely to be in demand, especially given his versatility” –ESPN (Well you guys were dead on)

All around MLB bad-ass…until now. He was once a lead off hitter, he once stole 62 bases in one season, he once was co-MVP, he hit for the cycle which included an in the park homerun, and then the Mariners got him for the low-low price of $36 million. Not only has he been a nightmare offensively (hitting .238) but also in the dugout and clubhouse. On July 24th, after making a clearly bone-headed play in which he allowed a throw from Saunders to simply bounce pass him, allowing Mike Cameron to reach 3rd base, manager Don Wakamatsu finally grew some cajones and pulled him out of the game. Well this did not sit well with Chone, so he did the mature thing and tried to scream in the face of his manager. Enter super hero, Russell Branyan. As if the Incredible Hulk, Branyan began separating the influx of players who seemed to be tangled up around both Wakamatsu and Figgins.

Sure, sure, boys will be boys and everything is “fine now”. But let’s get seriously. Figgins is only one of the MULTIPLE problems going on with the Mariners this year. Do you think Griffey, Edgar, Buhner, Ichiro would take a swing at their manager (allegedly). I don’t think so. I also don’t think they would have made that stupid play to begin with.

End of meandering thoughts here…more to come.

This Tree Looks Familiar...

So, yes, we have been here before. While the structure may have changed, the ‘under 500’ season hasn’t. The days of the Kingdome were in two words, freaking-awesome. As a kid you could run around the entire stadium, down one single isle without disrupting any other fans that were so sporadically placed it resembled flags on a golf course. It was a place where if you yelled loud enough and waved vigorously enough you could have an entire conversation with your friends who were sitting on the 300 level while you remained on the 100 level.

As I said, when I was a kid, those days were freaking awesome. But as an adult who has an unwavering devotion to her hometown baseball team, these days stink. Nap-gate 2010, relentless injuries, expensive let downs, etc. etc. etc. So what’s going to turn this team around? Veterans like Mike Sweeny exhibiting extreme ‘manliness’ by threatening a duel to any players found leaking inside information? Kanekoa Texeira’s continued growth of his “rally-stash” that makes him look more like a 70’s sitcom cop more than a major league pitcher? Or perhaps we could resign the entire 1995 team. Think about it; insanely cheap, and heck, it would sure fill the stadium enough to get more money to eventually just purchase the NY Yankees. Badda-bing badda-boom, Mariners win the World Series.

In all seriousness, we know how insanely mental the game of baseball is. A player can be in the best shape, with all the right tools, but if their head isn’t there, neither are their numbers. Last season is the first time the Seattle Mariners have hired a coach whose specific job revolves around the mental aspect of the game. Maybe they need Freud in the clubhouse too. These players have the stats from their past. They can run, hit, field. Heck, just the odds of making it into the big leagues from the minors is enough to earn the paycheck. It’s time for a mental shake down. Start performing. Sounds easy enough, sure, but let’s go. Seattle fans are extremely kind in comparison to NY or Boston. We’ve been patient, very patient. However, the money pot is drying up. No fans = no serious $$$. If you want to end up like the Royals, well then we’re on our way.

While I look back to the 95’ season in a similar light as the days Jesus died for our sins, we can’t rely on celebrating the chance to play for the AL championship for the next 20 years. We are one of TWO teams who have never competed for the World Series. Seriously sad.

But no matter what, you will see me at Safeco watching intently. Smiling every time a kid runs through my isle in attempt to make it all around the stadium.