Thursday, October 14, 2010

42 Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch the Yankees in the Playoffs



I hate the Yankees. They are boring and here are 42 things I'd rather do than watch the Yankees in the MLB playoffs.

1. Drink a gallon of expired milk without taking a break
2. Become a middle school math teacher
3. Watch the Sarah Silverman show on repeat for 24 hours straight
4. Get a colonoscopy, twice and with no anesthesia
5. Clean up the house of one of A&E’s Hoarders by myself
6. Sit inside the dead carcass of the Star Wars camel that Luke Skywalker cut open
7. Voluntarily trap myself in the same mine in Chili for 69 days
8. Hold the 8 ft sign that says “Jesus Saves” in front of every major sporting event
9. Try out for American Idol
10. Live in the dorms
11. Change my name legally to Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock
12. Shave my head using a dull razor
13. Watch Shoa in its entirety
14. Attend Washington State University
15. Join the Lingerie Football League
16. Get a new job as a Dog Euthanasia administer
17. Play one on eleven defense against an NFL football team
18. Have Randy Johnson throw fast balls directly at my face
19. Live in Pullman, Washington
20. Attend the University of Oregon
21. Participate in Discovery's Shark Week with a show titled, "SURVIVE: One girl, 12 great whites and 2 galloons of blood"
22. Watch The World of Jenks
23. Hang out with pretentious hipsters
24. Become a master at Excel documents
25. Watch the Buried Life
26. Date Glenn Beck
27. Become Osama Bin Laden's personal foot massager
28. Receive any and all picture texts of Brett Favres "special place"
29. Spend 24 hours straight with Elizabeth Hasselbeck
30. Hang out in Pioneer Square all night
31. Do heroin
32. Join a "World's Strongest Man" competition
33. Get all "Slum Dog Millionaire" and fall down a port-a-potty
34. Have Jar-Jar Binks as a roommate
35. Go on a date with Ted Bundy
36. Have the music from the opening credits of M.A.S.H. playing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
37. Brush Tim Lincecum's sweaty hair
38. Be David Arquett's rebound chick
39. Read War in Peace in it's entirety without any breaks...in French
40. Be adopted by the Kardashian family
41. Watch CSPAN
42. Be a Sister Wife

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