Friday, October 8, 2010

If You Love Halloween, and Hate Your Kids, This One's For YOU!

I originally started this blog as a way for me to reach out to my peers and discuss serious topics in the real estate world. That, obviously, went in the crapper. Sure, I put AWESOME real estate stuff on here, such as "Zillow's Most Expensive Real Estate", "Seattle is 'da' best", "Buy the Entourage House", etc. etc. but there are some very serious topics that need to be covered. Those topics are hidden in the deepest part of Miss. Alexandra Chaffee's mind. A place that is reached right before she drifts off to her rem sleep or when she is about to move to her third drink of the night, or simply when her self diagnosed ADD kicks in. So while I continue to write posts why the University of Washington is amaze-balls or how if the Seattle Mariners would just listen to me they would be World Series champs (duh) I hope you will remember that I slang properties like a baller (for the older generation that said 'I sell residential properties very well'). So anywho, here we go...

Halloween is coming up and I am pumped! Parents around the country use this day to exploit their young children in the most amazing ways ever. Think about it, infants are the most vulnerable little balls of squishiness. You can dress your kid up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter and there aint nothin he could do about it. He'll spend the rest of his life looking at those pictures and holding deep repressed anger that will eventually come out in psycho-therapy sessions.

If You Love Halloween, and Hate Your Children, This One's For You!

Woopie Cushion - they fart all the time anyway. This way you can blame it on the costume.


Picnic - You always say they are, "so cute you could just eat them up", now you can. This kid looks panicked.


Spaghetti - cause why not?


Chest Burster - another solid piece of of evidence against male pregnancy.


Man Eating Shark - works if your kid is ugly.


Kiss - Dress up your kid in a costume he doesn't get for a band he'll never like.


Turkey - just don't put it in the oven.


Michael Jackson - for those people who just can't let go.


Air Freshener - Cause they smell anyway.


Soon-to-be-eaten Lobster - No need for one of those baby leashes, you can just shove your kid in a giant pot.


Alien/Chicken Baby - Baby chicken? Yes! Baby Alien? Sure, why not?! Baby Chicken with Baby Alien exploding out?! Call CPS.


Colonel Sanders - Child must babble with thick, Kentucky-like southern accent.


Luke Skywalker Inside a Rotting Carcas - (My personal favorite) Doubles as a sleeping bag AND kick-ass Halloween costume!


Sushi - Nothing says "cute" like raw fish and babies.



big ups to the huffingtonpost.com

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