Monday, October 11, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Christopher Columbus Kicks Ass

Happy Christopher Columbus Day! I know you all probably laid awake, sleepless last night in anticipation for today! As a huge history nerd, I love this crap. Here are the top 10 reasons why Christopher Columbus kicks ass:

Just like Lil' Wayne, he did time

Ever seen Locked Up Raw on MSNBC? It was probabaly just like that, but in the year 1500. I guess he committed some atrocities againstsome Spanish people at this other place he was colonizing. Whatevs.

Gerard Depardieu Played him in a movie

This guy is the "French DeNiro" and played the baller, Christopher Columbus in Ridley Scott's 1492: COnquest of Paradise.

He's got rhymes

2-Pac and Kanye got nothin on ol Csquared. "In 1492, Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue..."

He led three hott ladies: Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria

This one guy led an entire fleet of freaking ships!

Government organizations shut down because of him

He beats out all those presidents because their holiday is on their birthday. CC just got a day for him!

He dressed BETTER than a metro-sexual

CC wore serious duds. Flashy clothes like no other.

He has his own Xbox and Playstation 3 game

His game is called Civilization Revolution. Does Magellan have a video game? The answer is no.

He most likely boffed Queen Isabella

Chicks dig the colonizers.

He Directed Adventures in Babysitting, Home Alone and two of the Harry Potter movies!

K, never mind, that guys name was Chris Columbus. But I bet he would have if he had the chance.

There's a Crapload of Cities Named After Him

Nobody's don't get cities named after them. Just sayin'


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