Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Dancing Penguin!

Happy Wednesday:

Have you ever had those nights where all you want to do is dance? Dane Cook said it best, "SCREW GUYS, I JUST WANNA DANCE!" However, others don't seem to share your enthusiasm and stand around in judgement as you dance your anger and frustrations away. Well screw you guys!

So, Dance, Penguin, DANCE!!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Celebrity (?) Real Estate: Bristol Palin

So, Bristol Palin has moved her Moose-Shooting, linebacker dancing, baby mama drama butt to Arizona. Why do you ask? Well, she will be attending one of the world's top educational facilities, Arizona State University. I think Jack Donaaghy said it best when he said, "A parents job is to make their child feel smart, even if they want to go to Arizona State University." So KUDDOS to you, Sarah Palin.

For those of you that have forcibly removed the image and/or any other subsequent memories of Bristol on Dancing with the Stars, I will give you a little reminder; she was awful. You could have put Joe Theismann in there after Lawrence Taylor bent him in half and he still could have performed better than her. But, the Tea Party-ers would not be silenced. Bristol made it to the top three and thus, got a pretty penny from the Dancing with the Stars peeps.

SO, moral of the story, kiddos, #1. Get knocked up at 16 #2. Make sure your mom is bat-shi* crazy to the point that even Oprus (Oprah/Jesus) can't seem to even like her #3. Make a fool of yourself on national television

BADDA BING, BADDA BOOM, You own your own house!

Here are the house stats:
LOCATION: Maricopa, AZ
PRICE: $172,000 - Paid in full with (Dancing with the Stars) Cash.
SIZE: 3,929 sq ft, 5 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Holiday Real Estate: Holiday Home Decor

Here are some AWESOME home decorations during the holiday season. As your real estate broker I would say, "NONONO", but as your friend I would say, "hell yeah". Rock on, home decorators, rock on.


Christmas in Alabama. Finally putting that broken down car in their front yard to good use.

Greeting Seasons!

Mountain Dew Christmas Tree. The kid who made this is either currently strung out, out of his mind or still peeing.

Clark Griswold. How many times do you think the old lady living next door has called the cops to help this man who is hanging off his roof?

Think about it, where does Santa relieve himself when traveling around the whole world in ONE night? He's gotta go somewhere.

Nothing says, "MERRY CHRISTMAS" like a decapitated dolls head crying tears of blood! Happy Holidays!

Epic lighting FAIL! The worst part is that they will probably stay like this all year long.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Holiday Real Estate Special: GINGERBREAD HOUSES

As a real estate broker, my job is to find my clients their homes in which they will raise their family. If you were little Gingerbread Men, or Women, I would (or wouldn't) show you these awesomely horrible, yet fantastic gingerbread houses.

Just another Gingerbread Crack-Den. The neighborhood has really gone down in the last 10 years.

The perfect gingerbread mobile-home complete with white-trash accessories for the front lawn. Future owner must comply with Homeowners Association Rules and Regulations and leave your Christmas lights up all year long.

A $15,000 Gingerbread house. How dare they...

One REALLY unfortunate looking gingerbread house that looks like a Muppet character. See below.


If Requiem for a Dream made a gingerbread/Christmas edition.

Lady Gaga's gingerbread house.

Gingerbread ladies, ladies, ladies!!!

Holiday Movie Poster Spoofs

Here are some awesome movie posters with a little holiday flare! I would prefer watching these versions over the originals any day of the week. Enjoy:

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Marching Band is Cooler Than the Team!?

This actually blows my sox off. Even trying to calculate in my head how one comes up with the formations made by marching bands is a hopeless endeavor for myself, so THIS, well THIS is just redic awesome.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Celeb Real Estate: Barbie...yes, seriously.

Barbie has a dream-house. A REAL dream house. Of course, it's in Malibu and even though she is just a doll, she has a better house than you. Let that sink in for a minute. Whether you are overwhelmed with rage or jealousy, you have to admit, for a girl, this house is pretty freakin' fabulous.

Leaving room: Pink dogs, metallic silver ottomans, feathers , duh.

Lace up fancy chairs, and do you see that chandelier? That's made of "barbie hair". Yes, kind of grouse, but think of all the girls who tried to lay 'barber shop' with their barbies? At least the hair is going to good use. Or, just use.

Barbie is nothing without a little animal print. Or is that Snookie? Or is that just all of New Jersey?

I'm starting to think Barbie may be an egomaniac. Good luck getting Ken to play pool with you since the balls are pink...

B, I am assuming it stands for the Bourne Identity Trilogy, right? Who doesn't love those movies?


Good thing Ken is color blind.

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. All the same shoes.

Classic barbie at the beach and trampy-new barbie at the beach. Thank you, Miley Cyrus, for ruining America's youth.

Gosh, what a sucky house.

Dear Barbie, I hate you...but really I am just insanely jealous of this view.

Pink roses are necessary.

Barbie's/everyone's dream kitchen. Cupcakes always available.

PINK TAPE, PINK MARSHMALLOWS, GLITTER?! What is Barbie up to here?

Of course, a pink bug.

A pimped OUT for any barbie girl, or cross-dresser.

Of COURSE it would have a pink interior.

Dear Barbie,
You're a snatch.
Love, your loyal and jealous friend, Alex