Friday, December 3, 2010

The 6 Places You'll Live After College

Freshman year: Top bunk, #6, in a room with 24 other girls. (no boos, no boys)

Sophomore year: Single bed, in a room shared by 3 other girls (no boos, no boys)
-Sophomore summer: FRAT LIFE, TKE, black mold, flip flops in showers, NO 5 second rule.

Junior year: President's room, shared with one cool chick. Finally some civility in my sleeping arrangement (no boos, no boys)
-Junior summer: Back to FRAT LIFE, TKE, black mold, bottom bunk of 3-bunk set-up, contracted food poisoning.

Senior year: Top bunk in a room shared with one awesome gal, 21/22 years old and still, no boos and no boys.

But, new graduates, you aren't out of the water yet because although you may have dumped the bunk beds and can officially drink and do unmentionable things with members of the opposite sex in your room, you will most likely live in one of these 6 places. We almost all have had to put up with these 'pits' because we are young, broke, and so fabulous. As we grow up, we look back at the places we lived, or the condition they were in and have an instant reaction from our gag reflex. Mouth starts to water, the Starbucks you were so pumped to get because it was in the 'red cup' is slowly creeping up, and you feel the desire to instantly take a shower.

Here are the 6 places you will live after college:

#1. HELL - literally, a place that Satan himself would question sending the worst of his minions too. But hell, it's cheap, right?

#2. Post-Break up War Zone : Hell Hath No Furry Like a Woman Scorned. Batter down the hatches, put your head between your legs and realize that you are essentially 'whoring' yourself out for a place to live. So what, you have to pretend to be the girls boyfriend whenever she decides. Just don't make out with her friend cause you'll probably get evicted AND end up in a Maury-esk bitch fight.

#3.Rat-invested dump - Although the "Black Death" occurred during the 14th century, it's back with a vengeance in this rental.

#4.The World's Most Expensive Closet - They'll get you drunk enough that you don't even realize that you're sleeping in a 6ft by 6ft "bedroom". That, or you'll drink so much out of depression you could end up making the couch/bathroom your new room.

#5.Harold and Kumar's House - This roommate is so high, you could probably get away with never actually paying anything other than "positive aura". Hippies aren't known for their economic strength.

#6.The Crazy Cat Lady - She may be young, but desperate women start early. So as long as you can handle selling your soul and calling a freggin' cat, "Miss Diva Frau Frau", you can live in this experiment of early mental breakdown for a low-low price.

gracias to for prompting this awesomeness.

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