Friday, February 25, 2011

I Love ESPN


I love ESPN for many reasons. I think the most important of all those reasons is during NFL season, they don't have that annoying little transformer guy that greets you with a little dance every commercial break. While I generally enjoy watching anybody break it down a little bit, this annoying robot guy is acting as if he is Ichiro, stretching it out, excited to get into the game. #1. You're a CGI, #2. I am sure NFL rules would not permit you to be on the active roster, and #3. Since Transformers came out about 4 years ago, what is your relevance?!

Anyway, ESPN also has one heck of a sense of humor. One of the most popular features on their website is the SportsNation polling. Generally ESPN asks a question such as "who do you prefer in this years Super Bowl?", or "should Brett Favre be punished by the NFL?", etc. etc. But every now and then, the awesome people over at ESPN sneak in a little sense of humor. Or a lot of sense of humor. Here are some amazing SportsNation poles that make ESPN hilarious.
















So, this has nothing really to do with ESPN, other than the fact that it is a professional televised basketball game. However, I just wanted to take a moment and point out that Chris Bosh has now been downgraded from NBA player that occasionally takes flops, to a European Soccer Player that cries on command when someone comes within 5 feet of him. Lordy, it's time to grow a pair.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Fun With Signs

I recently stumbled upon this amazing little website called, Fun With Signs. The site is filled with grown adults regressing to their adolescent awesomeness by altering signs to make them say rad things. All it takes is a sense of humor, a finger/hand/arm, and a cell phone camera and there you go, giggles galore.

Yummy


I would NOT want to work in this department.


"It's Raining Men" on loop, all day, every day.


Ok, Ok, Ok, WAIT, WHAT?!


How does one clock that?


One in the same?


Always funny, no matter what age.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Headline: Woman Attacks Roommate Over Thin Mints


Yes, you read that headline correctly. Woman Attacks Roommate Over Thin Mints...Gawker.com does what it honestly does best, crack reporting on ridiculous stories that I can't get enough of. Here is their article:

Mark Read - Like so many of us, Naples, Fla. resident Hersha Howard is guilty of loving Girl Scouts Thin Mints cookies. She is also, according to Naples deputies, guilty of attacking her roommate, for taking her Thin Mints. Jasmine Wanke, the roommate apparently gave the Thin Mints to Howard's children; this does not seem to have been an acceptable excuse to Howard, who allegedly "struck [Wanke] in the face," threatened Wanke with scissors, "picked up a board and struck" Wanke, bit Wanke "in the breast," and, after Wanke attempted to flee outside, perhaps as a kind of grand finale, "picked up a sign and struck Wanke with it several times." Some of you reading this are likely shocked; others of you are nodding along and thinking, "this is what happens when you take someone's Thin Mints." [ABC-7; image of Thin Mints via Josh Kenzer]

I don't play when it comes to my Thin Mints...

Friday, February 18, 2011

Another Reason Why UW Students Are So Awesome


In case we needed more evidence...

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

Celeb Real Estate: Britney Spears


Oh to be Britney Spears. Minus the whole mental break-down, sans underwear, drug addiction, I think she is just fab. Apparently 'crazy' is good for business too, because Miz. Spears is rocking quite the new purchase: a $12 million Hidden Hills, CA home that is only a few miles from her OTHER home. Do you ever have those days where you say to yourself, "man, this 20 minute drive is too much, I think I'll take a rest at my 19,107 square foot house for the night, and continue with the journey tomorrow"? She can rest her pretty little head in 10 different bedrooms, and sit on 13 different porcelain throwns But all in all, she got this place for quite a steal as it was listed, originally, at $18.9 million. And if she ever needs an extra buck or two, she can rent out the house for $25,000 A MONTH!



Oh, Britney, you are so fab.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Drunkest Cities in the World


For those who lived in dorms in college, you sat through a minimum of one mandatory, university issued "Alcohol Risk Class". And for the super cool Greek kids, we had the once a quarter university, and fraternity / sorority nationals mandated alcohol awareness class! Apparently as soon as you are accepted into an higher-educational institution, society assumes you automatically become a full blown alcoholic. They might as well sign you up for an episode of Intervention.

While I am not denying that there is a large percentage of individuals in the US that have drinking problems, we can rejoice that the U.S. is in fact, pretty darn sober. Check out a report I found on the Huffingtonpost.com. Apparently Europe, and all of Russia know how to party. Time to step up your game northern-Africa.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Westminster Dog Show Rejects


I'm not going to lie. Last night, after a lovely Valentine's Day, I stumbled upon the Westminster Dog Show. Jack Pot. Now, I am right along with you when you think, "but that's gotta be kind of boring". But when the first smashed in face dog comes prancing around with its tongue hanging out and its little feet going as fast as it possibly can, with a trainer who is in a desperate need of an intervention on whatever god-awful outfit he or she is wearing, you just can't turn away.

Most of these dogs are more primped then I have or ever will be. I never thought I would ask a dog, "hey, what kind of hair straightener do you use?". As much as I love these pretty little four legged friends, there is nothing better than our own over-weight, one bath a month, weird combo muts that we have at home. So here (thank you to the Huffington post) is a compilation of some dogs that most likely will NOT be winning Best of Show this week. And God bless em' for it.

Who's going to tell him that that's his own foot?


It's funny till he wants to lick your face.


I can't help but watch this and verbally react with a, whoaaaa, whooaa, whoooaaaaa, yeay!


I have no words for how awesome this is.


And this is why Sandy didn't graduate from high school.


So what happens when you actually have food in the bowl?


The turtle is obviously on some kind of performance enhancing drug.


Buy this dog and never lift a finger again.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day: E-cards explain it all


Oh hello Valentine's Day...we meet again. While last year I celebrated your arrival by eating an entire Trader Joe's Artisan Pizza and drinking half a bottle of wine while watching "Snapped" on Oxygen, this year I think I'll go for the full stereotype and spend the evening singing Motown songs into my hairbrush whie wearing matching pajamas and jumping on my bed. Too much? Anywho, Some E-cards always gets it right, and here are my personal favorites dedicated to this Valentine's Day:

Singing Motown songs into my hairbrush isn't super white, is it? Reference Step Mom. Ok, it is.


More than any other day of the year I will refrain from hanging out in bar bathrooms...


Truth.


Not true...


Isn't this every Friday night?


Happy Love Day Everyone :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

They Were Born in The Mid 90's, And Own These Homes...

They may smoke legal-hallucinogenic drugs, get tattoos before they are 18, sing love songs written by 50 year old white men and then produced by Usher, and overall sold their childhood and soul to the Devil for fame. Buuuuuut they are able to afford these homes so, I guess their eventual brutal Behind the Music where one of them will obviously be addicted to some illegal substance will be all worth it..


MIley Cyrus's little Florida Panhandle Home.
Deets:
-Panama City Beach, FL
-$1,968,750
-4,400 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms


Justin Bieber's LA Penthous
Deets:
-West Hollywood (hmmmm), CA
-$1.7 million
-3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
-Oh yeah, and he's 16. Damn.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

No Drugs Needed When You Live in This House...Yikes

I can't even begin to tell you how much this house in L.A. stresses me out. Just looking at it makes me feel like I am on LSD, or like I have a slit personality disorder. Who in their right mind would ever design this? It's as though someone spent too much time at Disneyland's Toontown in 1995 and couldn't get the image out of their head. Waking up in this home would be a harsh kick on the gut. Torn from my lovely dreams and smacked with reality of the nightmare I have just reentered. My eyes literally reject the sight of this house. I have some kind of instant allergic reaction where my brain is literally trying to push my eyes out of my head.

To put it in short, NO. But, hey, if this is your cup of tea, we probably shouldn't be friends cause you are on seriously abusing some muscle relaxants that is affecting your judgement. I kid, I kid....or do I? Anywho, this home is currently for sale, lucky me. This pile of loony tunes, oxicodone addicted multi-colored ridiculousness can be yours for $2.975 million.

Here are it's stats:
Name (of COURSE this cray-cray place has a name): The Temple of the Muses - lame.
Location: Malibu - ok, that's cool
Designer (aka, the bane of my existence): Cho Yiu Kwan - retire
Built: 1993 - Shocker...
Deets: 5 beds, 8 bathrooms, tennis courts (yes, plural), a sculpture garden, and a water fountain that can be switched to a pool.

Check out the pictures yourself. I can't even comment on them, cause it would mean looking at them again.

Oh God...



























Friday, February 11, 2011

The Infamous Grey Gardens Home for Rent: 2 weeks = $135,000.000!!


This post is a bit biased since I am OBSESSED with Grey Gardens and the two Edies. Not many people in my generation, or anyone from the west coast for that matter, knows about Grey Gardens and its two beautiful and intriguing former owners.

Here's a quick little background on what and who Grey Gardens is. In 1975, two men decided to film a documentary about two women living in a once stunning East Hamptons home. The two subjects, Edith Ewing Bouvier Beale ("Big Edie") and her daughter, Edith Bouvier Beale ("Little Edie") are the aunt and cousin to THE Jackie O. In the early 1900's, Big Edie and her husband bought the sprawling property as a summer home which they called Grey Gardens. When their marriage ended, and Big Edie's husband left Grey Gardens. Little Edie, in the mean time, was chasing after her dream of becoming a famous actress in Manhattan. Unfortunately, she was unable to chase down the fame she wanted to dearly. She moved back to Grey Gardens where she and her mother lived for years. Unable to physically or financially maintain the lush grounds, Grey Gardens fell into a sad shadow of the grandeur it was once known for. The two women became recluse. The house was put under notice for health code violations. Cats roamed freely, bugs ate through the walls, and the two women who were once staples in society became outcast in their famous family.

After the documentary premiered in 1975, Big Edie and Little Edie became stars. People were fascinated by the two woman who were related to America's royalty, Jackie O. After Big Edie past away, Little Edie could simply could not live in the home any longer. She sold the home in 1977. One potential buyer wanted to destroy the home, and build new, but Little Edie begged Washington Post editor, Ben Bradlee and his wife to purchase the home and maintain the structure. He purchased and restored the home to its original grandeur.

NOW, you can stay at this iconic home for the low, low price of $135,000.000 for 14 days!!!! Woop woop!



If you want to know more about these amazing women, check out the original documentary, Grey Gardens, or the HBO biopic with the same title!

Woodinville teen killing it in the Real Estate Market: What Have You Done Today?

Last Sunday, the Seattle Times ran an article about an 18 year old Woodinville boy who has been making quite the killing in the real estate market. He's been buying run down houses at auction, and flipping them for a profit. Recently he made a 45% profit off of a Bothell home. WHAT?! He pocketed $128,000.000!!!! Do you know what I had in high school? A 1998 Jetta with whatever change that was stuck in between the seats! In fact, THIS is me at 18, without $128,000.00 in my pocket.


Check out the article. It will either inspire you, or make you feel extremely worthless in your "old age" (anything past 18 apparently...ouchy)
Real Estate | Woodinville teen finds age no barrier to buying real estate | Seattle Times Newspaper

Worst Marketed Valentines Day Products


Even if you are in a relationship, Valentines Day sucks. What type of gift should I get? I'm broke. It's cold outside. I'd rather be hanging out with my friends. If I watch another chick-flick I may start my own Egyptian-ask revolution. After working a 9 hour day the last thing I want to do is plan something. Is champagne involved? Cause I'd be OK with that. What will my gift say to him/her? Is their gift going to be as awesome and/or lackluster as yours? There's a Locked Up marathon on on MSNBC, are we allowed to watch that? Our relationship mirrors that of Ronnie and Sam's.

And then there is the singles Valentines Day which I'm not even going to get into. However, some companies have decided that this holiday is the perfect time to market their already kind-of-sad products to their kind-of-sad target group. It's one thing to go through Valentines Day sans-valentine, but it's WAY more upsetting to go sans-valentine AND have to purchase these products:


5,000 calorie dinner for 1, WITH Passionate mashed potatoes (that's the disgusting pink stuff in the background). Did I mention it's a Valentines Day dinner for ONE?!



Be prepared for the emotional breakdown that's about to occur. But hey, at least you are sobbing into a Valentines Day themed kleenex, right??



This takes the prize of THE MOST pathetic themed product that you can buy on Valentines Day. As if getting through the holiday day, no, week sans valentine wasn't enough, now you are resorting to cats to fill the emotional void. Yikes.



Here, eat a TUB of rocky road ice cream and watch a movie that no straight man would ever suffer through, no matter how hott eh chick was. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!



No, NOTHING says, 'Happy Valentine's Day', like a pack of kosher hot dogs. Mazel tov!



HAPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Real Estate FAILURES

As a real estate broker, I am constantly reminded of the many stereotypes that "define" me / my career. But let's be honest, I would rather spend the rest of my life judging kiddy pageants like the ones on Toddlers in Tiaras than be a pushy, used car salesman. It's just not my style.

It's one thing to be labeled a certain way due to your profession, it's a totally different story when you are given one awful label due to your parents having a mean sense of humor. Here are some of the most epic fails in the real estate community...

This realtor is destined to be a good time.


Please tell me that's her maiden name. At least, then, she still has a chance.


This guy thinks way too highly of himself.


"Please, come in and spend 3 hours in an empty house with me..."


His parents should be shot.


I guess his entertainment career didn't really work out.


Maybe he should have taken his associate's last name.


Mi Casa es... BORN for real estate


He's a man of his word.


At least they're merry?