Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Reality Gem That Will Never Be...


Seattle has finally been blessed with a positive sports moment.  One that doesn't include almost making it to the World Series or refs who wore black and yellow stripes as they officiated the Super Bowl.  No, finally we have something tangible that we can point at to prove that Seattle is, in fact, a sports city.  The event I am talking about, of course, is when the Seahawks signed Terrell Owens. 

I am now just waiting to hear the news that Chad Ocho Cinco will be starting for the Seahawks in the next preseason game.  It's been quite a month for some of the two biggest renobs in the NFL.  While Chad did something pretty disgusting by head butting his wife (btw, who head butts someone?), I am deeply saddened that we will never see the VH1 reality series that was suppose to air in September.  Now I must simply imagine the amazing gems that would have come from his mouth.  I am sure this is how people felt when Shakespeare died.  What gifts were still to come?  What world changing words could have been?

As we miss cope with this truth, I have compiled a few of Chad Ocho Cinco's quotes mixed in with some quotes from Tracy Jordan, from 30 Rock.  Can you tell who said what?  One is a ridiculous ex-NFL douche and the other is a fictional uneducated, narcissistic character on comedic series.  

(1) “On the highway, I hit a deer. I kept him. He's at home in the garage on the rafters. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop.”

(2) “I love this cornbread so much, I wanna to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.”

(3) “I gotta show em' how to eat right man, that's all...I got all five food groups. Pancakes, sausage-egg McMuffin, cinnamon roll, large orange juice... I just be juiced all day.”

(4) “Did they say when the banquet is?  Because I'm kind of between tuxes due to weight fluctuation.”

(5) “Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays?  I'll tell you why:  It's because the Pope owns Long John Silver's.”

(6) "Nothing's Changed.  I just need everybody to trust in me like birth control.  You know, because I'm always going to be there for you 99.9% of the time."

(7) "Being here, man, it's like watching porn.  There's nothing bad about it at all."

Tracy Jordan: 2, 4, 5, 7
(8) "If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college."
Ocho Cinco: 1, 3, 6, 7


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